And One Hundred And One Ideas.
I can be fairly confident in saying that the process of writing is unique to everyone who calls themselves a writer, I’m not talking about the technical side of things, but the personal, from that first pulse of a neuron to a paperback available for sale, and I know for a fact that for each story the individual writer’s experience is different from the last.
The problem is that from a flash of an idea to a completed novel (or whatever medium you’re going for) there are so many hurdles and a huge amount of time, that to get from one to the other is not a guaranteed process. This is a good thing because the demands of that journey are some form of quality control, the idea or concept might be good, but making a story out of it can be really hard, and it’s here that so many great intentions fall apart. I have many works that I think I started too early, before I had a proper plot for them, and they sit languishing in limbo on my hard drive, a concept in search of a story. Sometimes I have a story but it just peters out. I know the beginning, and the end, but can’t seem to join them up in an interesting way. This is why I believe there is a natural form of quality control going on.

Nothing I’ve written to completion has been easy, but for everything that I’ve got to the end, from my first novel, Humanity, to the third series of Beck’s Game, once I’ve started writing it it just started pouring out of me, the ideas just kept appearing in my head, the scenes, the dialogue, the characters became real enough they took on a life of their own and I just sat and typed it. There’s something satisfying about being awake at one o’clock in the morning working because it’s going so well; at times like that I really do feel like I’m earning my stripes.
It’s not just when sat at the keyboard though. I’d be in the supermarket but my brain would be coming up with back stories, incidents, connections with points I’d not seen before. No matter where I am or what I’m doing there is always some part of my mind mulling over the story and the notepad on my phone becomes full of hastily written points I can not allow myself to forget. It’s a rush, it’s exciting but during that period it’s also exhausting, constantly living in and building this new world line by line in my imagination in no particular order so it can be sculpted into the novel or whatever later. For me it’s a sign things are working, and a self fulfilling prophecy, the satisfaction keeps me going and because I feel achievement I’m satisfied; hence when this isn’t happening I find the story dies.
Regardless I’m finding it’s happening right now. I’ve been needing to write a new blog, it’s been a while since the last one, and time is speeding passed (I’m sure they’re missing out a few days without us noticing) yet I’ve just not found the energy or time to sit and write. Tonight I felt I had to do something and yet sat staring at my screen, switching between a blank document and my list of stored ideas failing to make any of them work (it doesn’t help I’m having a small problem with my eyes at the moment and need to put some drops in every few hours that make seeing quite difficult). But then I noticed I’d a few lines about writer’s block and I knew what to do, and now even the small stops I have to make, to wash the dishes, change the CD, check spelling or pour more whisky, are frustrating and I fear this burst of activity will go bust. I repeat again I understand why the Greeks personified all this as the muses. So tonight, all good for the blog as it turns out, despite the fact you’re getting a somewhat self indulgent one this time, sorry about that.

I say all this as I’m kind of at that point with the bigger things, is this writer’s block? I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t have the ideas… The Greeks would probably blame a lack of muse, I think I might blame the lack of time. I seem to be able to imagine and identify lots of concepts I’m very happy with. I find I have to write them down as soon as they appear, even if I wake at three o’clock in the morning, because if you think you will remember them, you won’t. I have at least two novels in head at the moment, besides some other stuff, and yet that frantic writing phase is not happening. Ironically I know I have a lot of work to do on the things I’ve already written, just general management and administration, maybe the part of me that compartmentalises everything needs to get all that done first before it will allow me something new? I’ve written some short form fiction, not much, but frustratingly that’s been completions of ideas I had a while ago rather than something fresh.
I really want to get something new going, it’s been a while since the writing frenzy has hit me and as exhausting as it is, I need the thrill, I need the ride.
My conclusion? I think novels have to marinate in the mind before they are ready to come out. I think ideas find they die when they are not good enough. I think creating the right environment, of time and mental space, is vital. I think I need to stop thinking so much about the process and more about the stories. I think writing should be hard because if it wasn’t it would devalue the things I’d achieved. Most of all, I know in my bones I’m a writer, so maybe I need to stop worrying because when it’s ready the next one will take control of me once more and I’ll be here at two o’clock with a desperate need to get these new words out of my head on to a page that just can not remain blank.
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